September 8, 2019
We carry them for 9 months as they grow from love. We then carry them along the road to adulthood for 18 years to prepare them for life. What we weren’t ready for is the moment when the road comes to an abrupt end at college drop off. We have seen them every day of their life, and now, as we have prepared them to live life on their own, we have to let go. But how?
I’m still trying to figure that out. The days leading up to college drop off were emotionally draining. I have been photographing high school seniors for many years, and many moms have told me “You’ll be surprised, you’ll be ready for them to go.” As the days approached, I kept wondering when I would have these feelings. Needless to say, they never came.
I have a son who, at 3 years old, patted me on the back when I was pregnant with his sister as I vomited saying “good job, mama, good job.” I have a son who loves his little sister as much as I do, and would give her the world if he could. I have a son who kissed me goodbye EVERY SINGLE morning no matter how old he was or who might see him. I have a son who always treats me with love and respect.
How do I let go of that? Well, I haven’t. I don’t think I will, ever.
What I am starting to realize is that he carried me. He made each day special when I was a young wife and mom. He carried me into my career change that I love and has lead to 18 years as a professional photographer. He was there every day that I needed him. He is carrying me now as I learn to not see him every day by coming home with a load of laundry or a quick phone call. We have carried each other, and we will make it through this the same way.